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Unlocking the confidence within

By Navigator member Leigh Adley, Director, Set Your Mind Free - Hypnotherapy

Is this heading a misnomer?  Is self confidence within or without?  Is self confidence something you show to the outside world?  Is self esteem the something within you that directs you to exhibit confident behaviour? Or does outward self confidence direct you to internal self esteem?

In reality, the two things are intertwined; whereas possessing high internal self esteem may lead to external self confidence, (not to be confused with extraversion / introversion), having external self confidence does not necessarily mean you possess high self esteem. But, here is the good news: you can gain self esteem by faking self confidence consistently.  In other words, you can pretend to have confidence even if you do not feel you possess it. This may lead to a belief within yourself of your abilities. Every time you act in a confident manner, especially if you receive praise for your actions / demeanour / assertiveness / positivity from others, your mind believes you are confident. This may make new neural pathways in your brain, leading to a belief in yourself and therefore higher self esteem.

The consequences of a combination of high self confidence / high self esteem are many and varied and may include:

*   Enhanced relationships
*   Additional motivation
*   Effective communications
*   Increased happiness
*   Greater ambition
*   Unlocking potential
*   Emotional intelligence
*   Improved rapport
*   Higher contribution to work projects
*   Elevated presentation skills
*   Acceptance of others
*   The ability to overcome challenges
*   Uncovering previously hidden strengths
*   Lowering stress and anxiety
*   Increasing performance
*   Effective decision making
*   Honesty
*   Increased pro-activity
*   A feel good factor
*   Greater self reliance
*   Achieving a work life balance

There is nothing magical about gaining self confidence and therefore self esteem; you can learn to be self confident outwardly, which may result in high self esteem inwardly. Self esteem is simply a firm belief about your ability that sometimes is challenged by doubts, indecision, and irrational thinking; but these challenges can be overcome by your firm conviction in yourself.

So you want to learn to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from point A to point B? True self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication and practice to become outwardly confident and realise that you are a wonderful human being worthy of respect and high self esteem.

Below are some ideas to practice which may lead to self confidence and eventually to self esteem.

Recognise your insecurities and make peace with them
What does that voice in the back of your mind say? Do you feel ashamed of yourself for some reason?  Everyone has insecurities of one kind or another. This could be anything from being over-weight, thin, tall, small, red haired and so on. If you can use your emotional intelligence to recognise this fact, then you are well on the way to overcoming your insecurities. Write them down, accept them and then tear the paper into small pieces

Don't see yourself as inferior to others
Whether it is related to your work, or in social situations, be conscious not to move around with a mindset that others are better or more qualified than you. Believe that you are as good as anyone else and you will be.                                                                                      

Dress to impress
Your appearance is vitally important and if you feel unattractive or dowdy, you'll give out that perception to the world. Dress smartly, not just by concentrating on your clothes, but also by paying attention to proper grooming. Don’t lounge about in tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt all day (unless they are cashmere!)  Make an effort and you will gain confidence and self esteem.

Identify your abilities
Everyone is good at something. Try to discover what you excel in and then focus on your talent. Learn to take pride in it. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you have declared yourself a victim. Do not do that. Everyone is born with a specific ability. You can develop and excel in yours. If you find it hard to identify your “gift” then get involved in something you feel passionate about. Following your passion works as a therapy, making your mind feel unique and accomplished. This therapy boosts your confidence and increases your chances of meeting compatible friends.                                                 

Be thankful for what you have
By acknowledging and appreciating what you have, you can combat the feelings of being incomplete and unsatisfied.  Aim to have a peaceful mind rather than have worldly possessions. Everyday write down 3 things in your diary that you feel thankful about; for instance good health, a friendly “good morning” from a neighbour or the sun shining.

Be positive about yourself
Don’t evoke sympathy from others. Love yourself and speak positively about your future progress and qualities. By doing so, you condition your mind for a positive outlook.           

Accept compliments gracefully
Take them on board and respond positively and assertively. A "thank you" or a smile and nod work well.                                       

Look in the mirror and smile
Facial expressions send strong messages to the brain which in turn make new positive pathways in the mind.  Smiling even in the face of adversity / doubt will add to your confidence in the long run. Talking in front of the mirror and smiling also improves your communication skills.   

Fake it
Walk tall, act confidently at all times, head up, shoulders back, look as if you are in control and others will believe you are; eventually you will also believe.  

Compliment other people
We tend to project our negative feelings towards ourselves through insulting others and gossiping about them. Refuse to engage in such time-wasting activities and instead, start complimenting everything good about the people you come into contact with. When you look for the best in others,
you'll gradually be able to see the best in yourself too.

Additionally, making positive affirmations on a daily basis will enhance the above actions. 
It is recommended that you take yourself away from noise and possible interruptions and state the following affirmations.  In addition about 10 minutes a day thinking about all the positive gifts you possess and, before you know it, you will have both high self-confidence and high self esteem. 
With this combination you are capable of achieving all your goals, whether in business or lifestyle.

Positive Affirmations:
*  Fear is only a feeling; it cannot hold me back
*  I know that I can master anything if I do it enough times
* Today I am willing to fail in order to succeed
*  I believe that I have the strength to make my dreams come true
* I am going to relax and have fun with this, no matter what the outcome may be
*  I am proud of myself for even daring to try; many people won’t even do that!
*  Today I put my full trust in my inner guidance                                                    
*  I grow in strength with every forward step I take
* I release my hesitation and make room for victory!                                                     
*  With a solid plan and belief in myself there is nothing I cannot do

Leigh Adley, Director, Set Your Mind Free - Hypnotherapy

Whatever your issue, at Set Your Mind Free Hypnotherapy we use a combination of hypnosis, NLP (neurolinguistic programming), CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and stress management to provide you with the tools and techniques that allow
you to benefit from fast and long lasting results.
www.setyourmindfree.co.uk

 

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